The Passage of Time

Last time I sat down and shared my thoughts, I was on the high that only Dragon*Con can provide.  Walking in the parade and enjoying 50k+ passionate fans of all sides of pop culture.  It was a good time this year, as it has been the last two years.  Less than a week after I got home, my grandmother Mary-Ann passed away.

Grandma had been ill for a long time.  I don’t know how many calls or messages I’ve received in the past two years that have been some variation of ‘This might be it.’  When the message came in on Monday the 10th of September, something about it was different.  You can’t send inflection over a text message, but it read differently somehow.  I drove up to Bartlesville after work to support my Mom and brother.  I hadn’t seen anyone from that side of my family in a long time, aside from brief visits with Mom.

Truth be told, I don’t feel like I have a lot in common with that side of the family.  The Grim clan is a family of blue collar workers; mechanics, welders, and such.  They enjoy hunting and fishing.  And there exists drama that I want no part of.  But they are still family, and seeing my relatives after such a long hiatus did carry some nostalgia.  I stayed up there for a few hours, visiting and doing what I could for Mom.  Grandma had slipped into a coma and we were all just essentially waiting.  She passed a little after midnight.

Mary was ready.  She let me know in our last conversation that she was ready and didn’t know why she was still here.  I don’t know if I can think of something more wrenching.  As often happens when faced with mortality, I thought of my own life.  What am I doing?  Where am I going?  Time doesn’t last forever.  It passes by whether or not we’re happy, or productive, or cognizant of it.  It’s easy for me to reflect and think on past mistakes or injustices and dwell on things I cannot change.  But that’s not doing anyone any favors.

I didn’t expect to sit down and share in this direction but I suppose that’s what I get when I wake up all grumbly.  I went out to a movie last night with friends and had a great time…the flip side to a fun and eventful evening is awakening the next morning to quiet and calm.  It tends to depress me a little these days.  But I just had breakfast, and I have my coffee, and the weekend is free to make my own choices.  So I’ll put my shoes on and see what I can find.

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