Time is funny.

As I’ve mentioned before, there are moments when it feels like Dad’s been gone a really long time and there are moments where I feel like I just got the phone call.  It’s changed a bit.  Instead of fluctuating to where I feel like I just got the news, it’s more of a feeling of deep realization that, yeah, he’s gone.  I am still working through the legal stuff and that is slowly turning into frustration.  It’s not that I don’t want to get things accomplished…it’s just that I feel like my world stops entirely when I’m dealing with a piece of it.  I still need to get up to Pawhuska and start bringing the rest of his things to Tulsa, too.

Indi and I have settled into a friendship.  It’s not weird, though occasionally my heart sighs with what-could-have-beens.  We had such adventures together and that, too, is hard to really digest that it’s over.  I’ve put a lot of thought, consideration, and a bit of action behind entering the dating scene, but it’s been difficult.  I am acutely aware that I am still broken and amidst multiple grievings.  The last thing I want is to place someone in the middle of all this, or worse…use them as a crutch or stepping stone.  I wish I could just move on already.  Yeah, I know, it’s only been a few months.  Still.  My grief counselor said I was lonely.  Glad that session was free.

I am greatly looking forward to my birthday party next month.  I’ve been fortunate to have plans on my last few days off, but for some reason it still feels like I don’t get out and do anything.  Not sure why that is.  Maybe it’s like I wrote earlier, where I’m looking to these friends and events to fill this emptiness, when the only thing that’ll fill it is time.

About rhysfunk

Rhys Martin was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1981. In 2009, he sold everything he owned and left the country, living out of a backpack for ten months. He discovered a passion for photography while traveling throughout Southeast Asia and Europe. After returning home, he looked at his home town and Oklahoma heritage with fresh eyes. When he began to explore his home state, Rhys turned his attention to historic Route 66. As he became familiar with the iconic highway, he began to truly appreciate Oklahoma’s place along the Mother Road. He has traveled all 2,400 miles of Route 66, from Chicago to Los Angeles. He has also driven many miles on rural Oklahoma highways to explore the fading Main Streets of our small towns. Rhys has a desire to find and share the unique qualities of the Sooner State with the rest of the world. Cloudless Lens Photography has been featured in several publications including This Land, Route 66 Magazine, Nimrod Journal, Inbound Asia Magazine, The Oklahoman, and the Tulsa World. In 2018 he published his first book, Lost Restaurants of Tulsa. Rhys loves to connect with people and share his experiences; ask him about enjoyable day trips from Tulsa, locations along Route 66, and good diners or burger joints along the way.
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